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PARTY IDEAS

As any parent knows, parties are more than just fun and games. They are one of a child's first introductions to social situations and, as such, raise delicate etiquette issues for kids and parents alike. Here, we've gathered some of parents' most vexing party questions, and asked Applauze Events & Partiez Divaz the world-famous party-thrower and arbiter of all things mannerly, to share their battle-tested wisdom. As you'll see, Applauze offers answers that are humorous, opinionated (even sometimes controversial) and always rivetingly honest. We may not agree with them on every last point, but then they assure us we'll come around eventually.

Should I expect parents to just drop off their child at my five-year-old's party? If they stay, must I feed them?

You will need to be flexible in throwing parties for kids this age; many of them automatically bring a date, namely, their moms. Here's what to do. Call your two best friends and ask them to stay, for you'll need them, or call Applauze Eventz & Partiez to throw the party for you. They will make coffee and talk to parents who come uninvited. When adults do stay, take it as a sign of goodwill toward your child. Give them jobs and offer to feed them whatever the guests are having. The most polite adults will decline food if it's scarce but will accept cake, sing loudly and help clean up.

Should a child's birthday party be a total surprise?


A child should only be given a surprise party when she really isn't expecting anything for her birthday--which is never. A child who is anticipating at least small gifts or good wishes from her friends at school will have an awful day until the moment the door is thrown open for her surprise. People will be whispering behind her back all day long. They will revel in this ruse, while she slowly withers. Surprise parties really are much better suited to anyone who truly doesn't expect much to be made of the occasion.

Should I invite the entire class to my 11-year-old daughters party?

I can't think of a whole-class party that did not feel like a three-ring circus. Birthday parties that include 20 guests somehow seem to require high-wire performances, live rock bands, and wild animals leaping out of a cake. While the novelty would be fascinating (we might try it someday), most guests will not even remember why they are there. If you must, one all-class extravaganza in a lifetime would be more than enough. The rest of the time, a small party of five to 12 kids is the perfect way to say "We love you, dear."

What about competitive games at parties? Some kids get so upset when they lose.


Competitive games are enjoyable only for the people who win. If your child really wants to play them, though, try to orchestrate it so that every child wins convincingly at least once. Better yet, plan a few cooperative games, in which the whole gang faces a challenge, such as following a treasure map, then splits the loot evenly.

Should I serve a meal at my 12-year-old daughter Martha's party? If so, what can I feed her friends that's semi-nutritious and will please a crowd?
Older kids actually do eat food, so go ahead. This is a great chance--in fact, possibly your last for years as she enters adolescence. A successful rule in feeding children of any age is to make everything into crudités, finger sandwiches and other miniature versions of the actual size. Hors d'oeuvre is a French word that means "way more likely to get eaten than a ham-and-bean casserole."

Gina's friends' parents have been calling to ask what she wants for her birthday. I don't want to suggest something that's too big for their budget. What should I say?
This is one of the many times to be glad that Gina's is a bug collector--or whatever her hobby really is. Name the supplies for which Gina is hoping. If bug supplies come in units of $3 each, perfect. Then the giver can buy multiples up to her total dollar figure. Be sure to say how long Gina's been at her hobby. You don't want anyone buying a 10x magnifying glass for a certified entomologist.


My boys, Billy, seven, and Dwayne, eight, are invited to the same party. Should they each bring a gift?


Does my child, Mary, have to write thank-you notes? She thanked everybody while they were at the party.

I have two reactions to this question. The first is that only a piece of cheese would fail to write a thank-you note for a gift. The second is that it is true that thank-you notes have fallen by the wayside in some social circles and now just make everyone feel uncomfortable. For example, your friends don't usually send them out, and now that you have, they feel they must. With a full social calendar, big parties and more than one child, one could be writing thank-you notes half the year. Here is where good judgment comes in: Do what will make the giver feel best while also training Mary that thank-you notes are the rule.

Should I have extra little gifts for the child who ends up in tears?

Do you mean the birthday child? If so, yes. Let him fall into your arms after dinner and tell you all he had hoped would happen but didn't, and then produce a small jar of bubble bath or a delicious new book for bedtime.

If you mean for the guests, then no. Other than party favors, guests must be cheered simply by a hug and kind words from the mother of the birthday child. For a gift in private to a guest falls under the category of bribe, and you will soon be required to bribe everyone to be good.

Happy Partying